Yesterday was a very special day, astrologically. It was the solstice, and early in the morning was a full lunar eclipse. These events coincide once every 350 something years, so it's a pretty big D, I guess. Susan Miller has some pretty intense predictions about the role of this eclipse for us Capricorns. Betrayal? Shocking secrets revealed? The slim possibility that stirred-up sentimentality could bring about a positive outcome? To be honest, it sounds more like a summary of the past year than a fresh prediction.
I invited people over for a solstice/full moon/post-eclipse ritual. We wrote down the negative things we wanted to rid ourselves of and burned them in a fire. I thought it would be therapeutic to read them aloud, but everyone was shy about their negative shit, so we just burned our slips of paper quietly, commenting only on the sudden surge in the fire the paper created. Someone's piece rose up out of the ash all aglow, threatening to land on my roof or a pile of leaves and start a real fire. It landed in someone's coffee cup instead.
I could have filled a novel with personality traits and nervous tics and bad habits I'd like to rid myself of, but instead I wrote three things: self-criticism, self-doubt, and guilt. I had hoped that burning those words would do something. I had hoped that I would wake up this morning light as a feather, relieved of my burdens. But before the fire even went out, I was already wrestling with guilt over not having provided snacks for my guests, not having listened intently enough to a friend's story, not having made better introductions. Certain habits just can't be burned.
I have read enough self-help books lately to know that finding the root of and ridding oneself of self-destructive habits of the mind is not enough. To be oriented toward the positive and to work on establishing healthier processes is the real ticket. One friend was fresh off of a vacation and said, "I don't even feel any negativity to burn!" which made me about choke on my beer. Yeah, right! I snickered. But the more I think about it, the more it makes sense that when we're filled up with wonderment and excitement, there's no space for self-flagellation over failing to provide cheese and crackers like a truly good person would.
So anyway, the stars are telling me that now is a time to overhaul everything and start fresh again. All of my horoscopes keep mentioning self-empowerment, and the stars don't ever lie. I'm looking forward to turning 29 tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it all.
